thinking-monkey1Disclaimer: These columns may sound like the rantings of a mad man and may not be intended for you, so do not take offense. I'd advise you read the following in a sarcastic tone. 

Let's exorcize the Jack-o-Lantern! ! ! !

Why, have you not heard? Halloween Satan’s big day. It really is. October 31st was just an ordinary day not too long ago (made by God), but Satan came and took over that day. In fact, someone gave me a pumpkin to put on my desk the other day and I threw it away, because they are owned by the devil too. The person was shocked so I told them that I do not celebrate Halloween and they should not dress their kid up to go trick-or-treating because it is an evil day. If the fun-sized candy has Halloween wrapping, it is sin-sized candy, do not eat it or you are living in sin!

So instead of teaching your kid about having fun, or redemption, grace, etc. just freak them out and make them scared of Halloween.

“Why are you acting this way?” you ask. Because Halloween is Pagan. You see if you go to Wikipedia and research like me you will see that Halloween has pagan roots and we should not be a part of that.

So let’s go with that line of thinking. . .

Let’s start by throwing out Christmas Trees. Did you know that Christmas Trees and greenery have pagan roots? What’s worse is that some churches have a “Hanging of the Green” service. That is just not right, they ought not to live like the pagans. Christmas Lights have to go too.

I have stopped recognizing the month of June (Juno). Did you know that they made a movie about a pregnant teenager name Juno? Not only that, Juno is a Roman god.

And Disney, don’t get me started. Do you know they have a wicked witch in their very first full length movie? That is EVIL.

EVIL, that reminds me. If you add D to Evil you get Devil. If you take the D off you get Evil. You take the E off you get Vil as in Vile. If you take the V off you get Il as in this and Halloween make me Ill!

So I recently learned that anyone born BC would not be called a Christian. In fact even after Jesus was born it would be more than 30+ years before anything would be considered “Christian.”  That means that if they were no Christians that they were not regular attenders, they did not have accountability partners, they were not plugged into a small group.

NEWS FLASH! ! ! Satan really doesn’t care about Halloween, nor does he even care if you believe in him. What he wants is for you to believe in you. He wants to you worship yourself and think that you are all powerful, think that equality with God is something to be grasped. He wants you to think that you have control over the weather. He wants you to be consumed with your judgments, your problems, drama, rules, legalism.

It’s all about you anyway. You’re so special and so important. The world will fall apart without you and everything God is doing will stop without you.

So as a call to end all pagan rituals I say we get rid of Jack-o-laterns, Christmas Trees and lights, birthdays, and all the gifts and treats that come with those holidays!

Can you do me a favor though? Can you please, just please, wait until next year? I want to have one more Halloween, Christmas and Birthday. I know after all the evidence, but please? Thank you.

*This post is for those who take themselves and live too seriously. Yes I do have fun on Halloween (Pumpkinfest, dressing up, Halloween parties), no I do not care about where Christmas Trees and lights came from (because I love Christmas), and I enjoy a good birthday party. It's fun. Stop YOUR legalistic rules, and lighten up*